Black Sheep

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Gina: So I'm in the box again

he's about four or five, and [: 00:01:00

Then she opens the door and pops her head out, and he says, "Hi, what's your name?", She tells him her name, And then immediately spells it for him right after. Unprompted, super fast, like she's checking him in at the front desk. Then she steps outside and just stares at him while he's sitting there waiting for my husband, at the time, to come and get me, because I was upstairs with the baby.

It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life, and ironically, it was one of the most horrible days of my life at the same time

'm now holding her on my hip [: 00:02:00

I make them say it twice. Then I say, "Because they like to get me in trouble. They like to trick me

And that stuck with me. By That point, I had learned how this worked The neighbor and Polly Pocket liked to fuck with me. They'd set something up so whatever I did next was automatically the wrong thing, and then I was the one in trouble. Everything seemed to just always fall right into place.

o there I am on a cop's body [: 00:03:00

You need to understand everything but don't you worry your little head off. That's all coming. I'm your host, Gina Sullivan, and you are listening to Daddy Tissues

d video camera. Not a phone, [: 00:04:00

There was no cloud. There was a tape, and if you didn't have the camcorder around at all times, ready to hit record, that tape did not exist. The camcorder did not fit in your pocket, that's for sure So I found this camera and there wasn't much on it, but I plugged it into the TV and it's him, my oldest, in that apartment right after Christmas, and he's about four.

He's just [: 00:05:00

al expressions, their little [: 00:06:00

That's a person. That's the actual little person who used to be walking around your house, who you could pick up and squeeze and kiss and hug and snuggle with And now it's like that little four-year-old is gone you don't even remember them leaving

I just broke down. I have a five-year-old in this house right now. Five My son was about four on that tape now I'm standing here in the same exact spot. I'm doing it all over again

fixer. I know how to work. I [: 00:07:00

I do what I need to do because that's who I am And the whole time, there's this other part of me standing in the doorway going, "You are going to miss all of it

g about the future, and just [: 00:08:00

Nobody in this house is going hungry. So maybe I should just pay attention to my fucking kids

and then that other voice goes, "Okay, and who's gonna pay for all this? Who fixes it if you stop?"

already know how this ends. [: 00:09:00

There's a tape somewhere of a little boy I didn't get to enjoy enough of

And I'm standing here making the same trade again

Thinking about that tape reminded me of my tape my dad did the same thing. My dance recitals, me on the camcorder in the '80s. I have that vision of me in my head clear as day. This little, tiny, adorable blonde, so happy in her costume. This light blue dress made of that itchy tulle material, the tutu skirt, silver sequins sewn all over it

And my hair was a disaster

My mom will tell [: 00:10:00

cowlick that did whatever it [: 00:11:00

But hey, at least I was in style. Then to complete the look, bright blue eyeshadow, red lipstick all over my face, not just on my lips. I looked like I was doing the walk of shame the morning after a very rough night I was five. My mother let me leave the house like that because she had three kids and no hands, which, yeah, I get it now

. Murray, the walk-in closet [: 00:12:00

even know I was carrying it [: 00:13:00

Scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. At this point, I had an iPhone Nonstop giant novels missing all the chapter numbers and no organization or sense or logic whatsoever, just word vomit

And the [: 00:14:00

Again and again, over and over for years. My own phone became a panic button

ay one with her little rolly [: 00:15:00

And when I say six, I mean just the ones who actually filed something. There were more than that

I know how a number like that sounds. People hear it and think, "Oh, she couldn't afford to pay them," or, "She's probably impossible to work with."

w their hands up in the air, [: 00:16:00

I think a lawyer told me one time that it was like 0.001% of cases that were like mine, something along those lines

It was a lot of work for them Either the money they were getting wasn't making up for the amount of stress they had to deal with, or they just felt really bad charging me any more money because they knew it was crazy I just saw it in their face every time

the neighbor?

ay. Never changed, not once. [: 00:17:00

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That's the whole game. That's the entire thing. You take a little piece of something true, one real detail, and you stretch it, and you twist it, and you build on it until it's this enormous, insane lie. So crazy, so detailed, there was simply no way to even tell it to you. It was so much that after I heard it, I wouldn't even know where to start to begin defending myself I would just be in shock

Amazed at where they came up with all that

And the thing is, it [: 00:19:00

as the unstable Edward Scissorhands of a mother."

That was a joke But that is [: 00:20:00

Then there were the little stunts I wanna be clear about these because if I only tell you the big dramatic ones, you'll think this was a couple of bad days. It wasn't. It was constant. For example, one day I'd go to pick up my son at daycare, and the people at daycare tell me that a woman had been calling the daycare to ask whether I sent him in with a hat and gloves on I still don't know who she was.

mpliance. That's the energy. [: 00:21:00

And you're not allowed to complain about one of them individually because each one sounds insane when you say it out loud Someone called the daycare about gloves Okay, Gina. And? And nothing. That's the problem

I'm gonna tell you about a day where I had a wedding to go to, and one of my aunts was going to babysit for me. I need you to understand who this aunt is. She's amazing. I really do have an amazing family. My aunt, really helped me out with my son and a lot of other things in my life.

y well, knew exactly who she [: 00:22:00

So I leave the game. I'm in my car on my way to the wedding, and my phone rings, and it's my aunt

he just took him right from [: 00:23:00

Put him in the car with him and his mom and left. Now, let me give you the context on what this man's weekends actually looked like, because it matters. His mother brought him to every single sporting event. His mother did everything, all the time, millions of times. I'd show up, and I'd be his mom there with my son, and afterwards I'd go,

h him himself? Sure. I'm his [: 00:24:00

And I don't know how I did this, I genuinely don't, but I got myself back toward that game and I ended up directly behind his car, directly behind it. I don't know how God put me there, but there I was. So I follow him all the way to his mother's house,

Which yes, at the [: 00:25:00

He stops in front of his house, I stop behind him, and I'm getting out of my car at the same time he's telling his mother to get out of the car and take my son up to the house she gets out, grabs my son's hand, and she goes straight for the door. I'm basically chasing them up to that door

she gets in, she pulls him in with her, she closes the door, and she locks it. I could not open that door. I'm banging on it. Nobody answers, not one person, not a sound. And I don't even know where the neighbor went.

d I was out there hysterical [: 00:26:00

basically, get out of the car and get in that house with him as fast as you possibly can. He planned it in the car you'll find out later how I know So I called the police,, I knew nothing was going to happen. I knew exactly what they were going to say, but my lawyer told me that every single time something like this happened, I had to make a report, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing because it was just more drama.

However, he set up the game, and I had no choice but to play it So I called

Now I'm standing on the sidewalk outside his mother's house waiting for the police to show up.

And who pulls up? [: 00:27:00

get out of jail free card, the hospital, the waiting room. That's the couple who wanted to fight everybody in that room while my son was hurt. And now here he is at the house out of nowhere. From my memory, I believe he told me that the neighbor called him and told him to come over to the house because the neighbor himself was not there.

He dropped his mom and my son off and drove away. I think he sent a substitute to deal with the situation for whatever reason.

So there's me standing on the sidewalk and I remember begging him just to try to understand. I didn't wanna argue. I just wanted it to stop.

is. I don't wanna live like [: 00:28:00

He was kind of being a dick. Honestly, he probably just was scared of him, too. This is a man who married into this family. He's not blood. He came from the outside. And that's exactly what I want you to understand, because this comes up again and again in this story. This man was, very good at convincing others to believe that what he was doing was the right thing

team. And being on the team [: 00:29:00

hing I hit him with the cops [: 00:30:00

hey just find a way to do it [: 00:31:00

at some point, he got my son a cellphone and then sent him back to me with it, and that phone was on all the time. He would call every five minutes. My son would be sitting there texting him back. My kid now had a second job. His job was to watch that phone, to answer immediately, to text back the second a text came in, because if he didn't, you could imagine.

oom in my apartment was him. [: 00:32:00

and eventually I went, "Oh, fuck this. This phone is going bye-bye. I cannot take this shit anymore." So when his mother would drop him off, I'd say, "Keep the phone at your house. I don't want it in my house.

It's not allowed here." She'd just bring it right back to me, and I'd say, "I don't want this. Take it." Somehow I'd always end up with the thing in my hand. So I'd just turn it off and hide it until it was time to give it back. I was hiding a phone in my own apartment like it was contraband.

Half the time I was thinking it had some secret recording device on it or something. Yeah

That's how crazy this shit was

That's how much of my house was actually mine

not gonna make a joke about [: 00:33:00

I said, "And you told who all of this?" At this point, he hadn't learned yet. He hadn't learned what you say and what you don't say. He was still little enough to say the true thing out loud to an adult.

I'm sitting in the driver's seat listening to this and in my head going, "Oh, fuck." I knew how scared he was of him. I had seen it. If he thought he was going to be in trouble, if he thought I was going to tell his dad something, he would literally get down on the ground,

ds around his neck and choke [: 00:34:00

Terrifying naturally the school called Child Services, and they were at my house before the end of the day They showed up to my apartment and they sat me down and they asked me if I knew I told them the truth I told them exactly what I knew and exactly what I didn't Now, do I think he put his hands on him? Yes, I do. But I don't know the extent of it, and I never saw it, and I never saw a mark, so I couldn't tell him that You asked me what I think.

as my son who said it. I was [: 00:35:00

I have wondered ever since what happened to my kid after that door closed That was one of those moments where I could have gotten him out, and I didn't My son was scared and I kept handing him over

s doing the right thing. But [: 00:36:00

There's a reason we all do this, and it's not because we're stupid or weak. It's because when something is genuinely that hard, your brain does not wanna look at it.

Even now, I'll tell people things that have happened, and I'll watch their faces, and it's too much to comprehend. So the brain goes, "It's probably not that bad. It's exaggerated sometimes it is exactly that bad I did the best I knew how to do with what I had and who I was.

. It wasn't like that in the [: 00:37:00

It wasn't comfortable for me and it wasn't comfortable for my son. At the end of every one of those days, I still had to leave my baby with that person

If I was that scared, imagine being seven

, That's the last time I'm doing this to myself on this show. I mean it

Okay, deep breath. Let's come back up to the surface. Last time I told you about Aspen, I ended it with the door shut in his face and his friend getting a message from me that said, "If any of you contact me again, I'm telling Boston everything.", And then I said I never heard another word for a bit.

So down the shore, I [: 00:38:00

moving home?" He proceeds to [: 00:39:00

After that comment, I said to myself, "They are clearly, obviously, 100% still together

I get home and I look her up on Facebook, and I reached out to her. I told her exactly what happened, all of it. Here's the part I did not expect. She believed me right away

No fighting me, no calling me the liar, no, "Who the hell are you?" She believed me

And she said, "What am I supposed to say to him? We just bought a house together Yeah. I said, "I don't know, but you can give me a call anytime if you need to." And I gave her my number

She never called. [: 00:40:00

opening that door today. But [: 00:41:00

e called her from wherever I [: 00:42:00

who took the easier option. [: 00:43:00

my way produced Aspen twice. [: 00:44:00

ut. make It all look, really [: 00:45:00

I had already screwed it up. I did. I'd gone from being the perfect one to the black sheep, and you know what? I needed my title back I have to say it. I did a really good job.

I went out and I found the complete opposite of every single man I'd ever been with. Every box on that list, checked.

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