E1: I'm F*cking Doing This

Gina [: 00:00:00

I'm doing this. I am fucking doing this. Welcome to the very first episode of what I hope becomes the most honest, hysterical, painfully relatable, slightly unhinged, deeply human ride we are all about to go on together. Now, let me just say, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I am doing. I literally just learned how to properly post an Instagram story and added the word bro to my vocabulary.

t, the most qualified person [: 00:01:00

(Intro Music)

So here we are. I'm starting a podcast, and I'm fully aware that there are many people who know me that once they hear this, they might have a full-blown panic attack. I know they're thinking to themselves, "Oh my God, Gina has a microphone." Yes. Yes, I do.

Gina[: 00:02:00

But everyone remain calm. I'm not out for revenge or to publicly slander anyone, although let's be honest, the material is there.

But that's not what we are doing here. We are here for connection and truth,

supporting one another, and trying to make us all feel less alone.

Have you ever just been so upset and anxious where your heart is pounding like crazy and it's obvious to everyone because you can't hide it? It's written all over your face.

who shit right in that dress [: 00:03:00

You can't stop it. Well, I know I've been there, and it totally sucks. We all hold in so much stuff because we're embarrassed or ashamed or scared of being judged or afraid someone's gonna call us crazy, which has definitely never happened to me or anything. But, you know, maybe someone doesn't believe us when we know it was very, very real because the pain we hold in every day proves it I want this show to be a safe place where women can vent, laugh, cry, admit some really wild stuff, and not feel bad about it at all because we know we've all been there.

Like when I got caught shoplifting at Macy's in sixth grade. We've all done it. At least all my friends have, which, I don't know, maybe isn't normal. But anyway, did you ever get into a

Gina [: 00:04:00

major fight with your husband and mid-fight, kids are screaming and everything's going crazy, you just get in your car and drive to Target and sit in the parking lot?

Because if not, you were about to have some breakdown in front of everybody, and it would have not been pretty. Or maybe you had to hide in the shower crying so your kids didn't hear you. Have you ever been that woman who has held it together so calmly when someone was gaslighting you and manipulating you, and then when you're pushed to your absolute edge and you fucking explode, they look at you and say something like, "Wow, you are nuts.

Look at you. Can you please stop yelling? The neighbors are gonna hear."? Or we've all seen that supermom who looks like she's living her best life on Instagram, but really, we know inside all she wants to do is accidentally get hit by

Gina [: 00:05:00

a car so she can have a week vacation alone in the hospital. There's women that have to co-parent with the impossible while they watch their ex's new girlfriend post pictures of their kids, or women who have even had their children taken away from them.

Have you ever been lied to, taken advantage of, cheated on, had to go through a man's following list like it was a goddamn federal investigation and then still had to make dinner? Or maybe had a time when you obviously knew better, but you literally could not stop yourself from texting him anyway. This show is for the women out there who are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders while still trying to be hot, loved, desired, sane, rich, chosen, and most importantly, free.

I've always been the person people come to when they need truth. Not the

Gina [: 00:06:00

sugar-coated truth, not the polite truth, not the, "Stop, you're doing amazing," lie that people tell you when your entire life is clearly on fire. I mean the real, raw truth, the kind that hurts coming out, but then all of a sudden lets you feel like you can finally breathe

I've been a hairstylist for years, so I basically did therapy with foils in people's heads. Women would sit in my chair and tell me things that they've never said out loud before about their husbands, their mothers, their kids, their shame, their affairs, their divorces, their bad decisions, their grief, politics, their Botox, their Lexapro, their boyfriend who was different this time, which honestly has become one of the most dangerous sentences of all time.

And I loved it, not because I love pain, I don't. I just love

Gina [: 00:07:00

being the person who could say to them, "No, you are not crazy. That was fucked up." Sometimes just that one sentence can make a woman feel like she just got a giant warm hug full of love and comfort and validation. You know, I've met some really, really amazing women.

And I can't wait to meet so many more on the show. We can all share our stories, any kind of story you want, without being judged, because we all deserve to feel supported So nobody warned me that one day I would be 40 and divorced, trying to completely rebuild my life, make money, and heal trauma, trying to date and survive these online dating websites without losing your sanity or hope at all, all while wondering why you can't even recognize yourself in pictures anymore.

40 hit me hard, harder than I

Gina [: 00:08:00

ever expected. Like, I know my 30th birthday was super depressing, but 40 came in like a giant smack in the face. I was smacked with the reality of my life, the life that I thought I was building, and what I was totally not prepared for. I mean, I had all the stuff, all the stuff people base their entire lives around.

I went to school and got a degree, got engaged, had the big, beautiful, stupid wedding, you know, with a hot husband with an amazing jawline, kids, the house, car, trampoline. I had a little bit of half-ass DIY landscaping. You know, all the stuff that shows everyone I made it. The stuff that makes your parents proud of you because it proves to everyone that they know that they themselves have made it, because their parents are proud of

Gina [: 00:09:00

them for having all the stuff, and by you making it and having all the stuff, it gives them and their parents the final confirmation that they truly did make it, creating a cycle that just keeps repeating itself.

And God forbid you fuck everything up by not having all the stuff and ruining the proud family tree cycle of insanity. You know, I was doing my job trying to keep this insanity cycle running. I never stopped and asked myself if I was even okay. I never stopped and actually asked myself why I was doing what I was doing or if I even wanted to be doing it.

I was just keeping up with the perfect little girl who does everything right checklist. Deep down, I knew I wasn't happy, but I guess back then that wasn't really the goal. It was like I was some robot. I was doing everything simply because I was programmed to do so or because I didn't have a reason not to follow

Gina[: 00:10:00

the program I had.

I was a perfectionist, constantly trying to fix and save everyone and everything around me, and I was pretty good at it I tried to avoid divorce at all cost. I spent money we certainly did not have on therapy. I tried to hold everything together. Trust me, I tried to make sure my story ended with a happy ending And then when it didn't, I lost myself.

Then I found myself. Then I lost myself again. Then I found a slightly bolder, more exhausted version of myself who apparently wanted to start a podcast in the middle of running around like a chicken without a head, trying to figure out how I'm gonna do all this financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, if we're being dramatic, which we are because this is my show.

So here we are. And by

Gina [: 00:11:00

here, I don't mean the end of my healing journey, because I still have a long way to go, and I've been in some dark places, like the kind of dark that makes you scared of your own thoughts or where you getting out of bed feels impossible. The kind of dark where you look around at your life and think, "How the fuck did I get here?"

And the craziest part is the world does not pause for your breakdown. Your kids still need to eat. The laundry's piling up. Someone still needs me to wipe their butt. Someone needs me to go on a field trip. Someone's still asking what's for dinner as you're staring at yourself in the mirror saying, "What the fuck?"

ready to cry because your color is still too brassy after you just toned it three times. And throughout all of this, you're supposed to work out and eat clean and be calm, be kind, and heal your inner child, not traumatize your kids, stay

Gina [: 00:12:00

attractive, make money, drink water, have boundaries, not text the douchebag, meal prep, meditate, and also remember the spirit day shirt.

I mean, really, what fresh hell is this? So if you're listening to this right now and you've got money stress or you're uncomfortably familiar with family court or therapy, if you keep finding yourself in toxic relationships no matter how much you try not to, or you have depression, anxiety, shame, or you already have a pill organizer and you're not 80, if you're trying to fix yourself while making sure your kids don't inherit every broken piece of you, if you think everyone else out there has it together but you, if you caught another woman at your boyfriend's house more times than you wanna admit, I need you all to know something.

You are not alone, and you are not weak,

Gina [: 00:13:00

because that shit hurts. Like some pain is so deep that it literally makes your insides feel like they're being rearranged. Pain from betrayal and abandonment, pain from realizing the people you thought who would protect you were the same people you needed protection from Pain from being made out to be crazy when you were reacting to something that was definitely real.

That's the kind of pain we're gonna talk about here. But we're not staying in the pain. This is not poor me, or why me, or feeling sorry for ourselves and staying the victim. No. Because you know why? We were chosen for all this, and I know that. We are the badass bitches that can take on the world because we no longer fear anything.

true. So what this is gonna [: 00:14:00

I mean, we're doing it all here, ladies. No topic is off the table. Dating after divorce, uh, the unexpected sounds our bodies make in the middle of having sex with the hottest guy you've ever matched with, medication, humiliation, insecurity, competing with 25-year-olds on Hinge, crazy stuff we Google, the things we have to laugh about because it's easier than crying.

Also, the angels that came into our life right when we needed them. We're gonna talk about why some of us are forever drawn to assholes and stop questioning if the problem is

Gina [: 00:15:00

us, because newsflash, it is us. And not because we deserved it, not because we caused it, but because at some point we have to ask ourselves, "Why does this keep happening?"

And that is where all the work begins, because that's where we find the beauty in the breakdown, my friends. Because along with all the shit I was given in the last 40 years, I was given even more blessings, and hope, and love, and silver linings, and amazing friends and family that I would have never made it through without.

I mean, I have an unbelievable support system that I know many people out there are not fortunate enough to have, so this is why I'm here. I'm here for you. You are sitting with someone who gets it, someone who's not above you, someone who's not pretending to have it all figured out, someone who's absolutely stood in front of people smiling like you didn't have a care in the world when you were really dying inside.

Gina [: 00:16:00

That someone was me, in case you didn't already know that I cannot tell you how many times people have told me, "You should write a book." And I probably will one day, but right now it's a privilege to even be able to shave my legs. So the book can wait. The podcast cannot, because I do not wanna wait until I'm this healed, polished, perfect, rich, skinny, emotionally regulated woman, which hopefully I am one day, or living in a house where the bathroom never looks like a portal to Stranger Things, because that version of me may not come.

And honestly, I'm tired of delaying my life until I'm this imaginary woman that wakes up calmly and bright-eyed and makes overnight oats, because this is me right now, divorced, 40, still

Gina [: 00:17:00

healing and making mistakes, still funny and hot depending on the lighting and the right filter. I'm still trying here, and I'm not apologizing for being me anymore.

That is a huge part of this show. We are done begging for basic respect, done shrinking so other people can stay comfortable. We are done pretending we're fine when we are not. We're done begging people to love us correctly. We're done having lies told about us because we exposed people for who they really were.

Done calling ourselves crazy because someone else trained us to not trust our own reality. We're done making bad decisions without at least getting a good story out of it. I mean, if we're gonna suffer here, ladies, let's monetize on this trauma. Like trauma for sale. And hell yeah, I got a lot to sell.

Loads of it. But underneath all of these jokes, and I mean this with my

Gina [: 00:18:00

whole heart, I am not just doing this for me. I'm doing this for all of us because we need this. The world needs more women telling the truth. Not the truth after it's been filtered and softened and made acceptable for people who benefit from our silence.

The truth that makes other women say, "Oh my God, me too." That's the moment that I care about because when one woman tells the truth, another woman gets free. And if you're one of those girls that I'm talking about, I want you to know something. You're not cursed. It means that you're strong, and you were given something heavy, and somehow you are still standing.

It means that you're the kind of woman who can turn pain into purpose. And maybe all this seems super dramatic. Good, because I'm from Philly, and we don't beat around the bush. We say it how the fuck it is because we can, and no one can do a goddamn thing about

Gina [: 00:19:00

it And also I made a promise to my mother that I was gonna change the world, and I'm not gonna let her down, and maybe this is how I do it.

Maybe it starts right here in my bedroom with an overflowing hamper and kids running around all over the place with no perfect plan, a ton of really good stories, and a mouth that has never once successfully stayed shut. I've lived a lot. I've survived the chaos. And you know what? I'm not pretending anymore.

Neither are you. This is what happens when a woman who has survived enough finally gets a microphone. So put on your goddamn seatbelt, grab your coffee, grab your tequila, grab your Ativan, whatever gets you through, because here we fucking go. But most importantly,

Gina [: 00:20:00

grab your daddy tissues, girls, because you're gonna fucking need them.

Stay tuned, my friends.

(Outro Music)